Wednesday, April 15, 2020
The development of twentieth
Walter notes: ââ¬Å"In the twentieth century, the music industry underwent a revolution and it brought with it new freedom and wide experimentation. Although there was an emergence of new musical styles and forms which challenged the normal and accepted rules that applied during the earlier periods.â⬠[1] However, there are many composers who continued to work in forms and in a musical language that originated from the nineteenth century. Advertising We will write a custom essay sample on The development of twentieth-century music: Schoenberg Vs. Stravinsky specifically for you for only $16.05 $11/page Learn More Nonetheless, modernism became increasingly outstanding and important with composers experimenting with form, tonality and orchestration. These composers are such as Rachmaninoff, Edward Elgar, Claude Debussy and post-Wagnerian composers such as Richard Strauss and Gustav Mahler. A few of the other composers such as Busoni, Schreker, Igor S travinsky and Arnold Schoenberg had already been recognized as modernists even before 1914. All of these composers offered major contributions in the development of music during the 20th century in their own exceptional ways. This paper deals with two of the most significant and vital figures in this development and the roles they played. Arnold Schoenberg and Igor Stravinsky were two of the most noteworthy composers during the twentieth century, both with different but equally notable roles to the progress of the music industry. Arnold Schoenberg, an Austrian but later became an American composer, was born on 13th September 1874 in the Leopoldstadt district, Vienna in a lower middle class Jewish family. Walter notes ââ¬Å"Schoenberg was linked to the expressionist movement in German poetry and art and he was also a leader of the Second Viennese School.â⬠[2] Schoenbergââ¬â¢s major milestone in the musical scene of the 20th century was his approach in terms of harmony and d evelopment. His approach and thoughts on music have been consciously extended by at least three generations both in the American and European traditions. In some instances, it has also been passionately reacted against such as during the rise of the Nazi party in Austria when his music was labeled as degenerate art. Schoenbergââ¬â¢s name was used as a personification of what turned out to be most polemical aspect of the 20th century art music, advancement in atonality. During the 1920ââ¬â¢s, Schoenberg came up with the twelve-tone technique. This is a method of manipulating an ordered series of the twelve notes that are found in the chromatic scale which is has proved to be significant to a great extent. In addition to coming up with the term ââ¬Å"developing variationâ⬠, he was also the first modern composer to acknowledge an approach of developing motifs without considering the idea of the supremacy of a centralized melodic idea.[3]Advertising Looking for essay on art and design? Let's see if we can help you! Get your first paper with 15% OFF Learn More Heinz notes ââ¬Å"apart from him being a painter, a prominent teacher of composition as well as a significant music theorist, Schoenberg taught a number of well-known musicians such as Alban Berg, Anton Webern, Hanns Eisler, John Cage, Lou Harrison, Earl Kim and many others.â⬠[4] Many of his practices such as openly engaging audiences to think critically and crafting the compositional method in a formal way are replicated in advanced musical structures throughout the 20th century. Schoenbergââ¬â¢s past life, visualizations and his views on music which was regularly polemical were crucial to a lot of the major musicologists and opponents of the 20th century era. However, at the age of 42, he found himself enlisted into the army with the instigation of World War 1. His involvement in Military service brought a crisis in his development as it disrupted his life. As a result , Schoenberg was never able to do his work without interruptions or for a long period of time, therefore leaving a lot of unfinished work and some in their initial stages but were yet to be developed. In spite of Arnold Schoenberg being a significant composer of the 20th century, I consider Igor Stravinsky to be more prominent of the two. Stravinsky is renowned as one of the pioneering, ingenious and high-profiled composers of the twentieth century music. He is originally from Russia and was born in 1882 in Lomonosov (originally named Oranienbaum) into a musical family. However he later became a citizen of France and eventually The United States. Despite Stravinskyââ¬â¢s father being an operatic bass player, his parents did not support him and wanted him to practice law. His personal interest however was more concentrated on the musical element and by the time his father passed away in 1902, he was already focusing lesser on his law classes and spending more of his time on his m usical studies. During his university years, he made the acquaintance of Nikolai Rimsky-Korsakov who was a leading Russian composer at that time. He decided to become a composer at age 20 and therefore Rimsky-Korsakov who also became like a second father to him, took him under his private tutelage from 1902 ââ¬â 1908. In 1909, his piece Feu dââ¬â¢artifice (Fireworks) was heard by Sergei Diaghilev, the director of the Ballets Russes in Paris during a performance in Saint Petersburg. Diaghilev was satisfactorily impressed and he therefore hired Stravinsky to carry out some orchestrations and as a result he wrote the first ballet for the theater which he named The Firebird. Afterward this was rapidly followed by Petrushka and the Rite of Spring.[5] During his career, which spanned through six decades he composed an impressive succession of works of astounding diversity. There were the vibrantly colorful Russian ballets of the early stages, the sharp wit and purity depicted in his neo-classical compositions and the prevailing spirituality seen in works such as the Symphony of Psalms. In his later works, one could also recognize the highly individual application of serialism. Advertising We will write a custom essay sample on The development of twentieth-century music: Schoenberg Vs. Stravinsky specifically for you for only $16.05 $11/page Learn More ââ¬Å"Stravinskyââ¬â¢s career-life can be categorized into 3 stylistic periods: The first period is the Russian Period, which began with Feu dââ¬â¢artifice and attained reputation with the three ballets that were composed for Diaghilev.â⬠These ballets are Lââ¬â¢oiseau de feu, Petrushka and Le Sacre du Printemps, which was among the most legendary classical music revolution. The works of this period were largely influenced by Rimsky-Korsakovââ¬â¢s imaginative scoring and use of instruments and mainly employed Russian folk themes and motifs. The second period whi ch is known as the Neo-classical period began from around 1920 when he implemented a musical idiom that was comparable to that of the classical period up till 1954 when he adjusted to twelve-tone serialism. Stravinskyââ¬â¢s earlier masterpieces, which highlighted his re-evaluation of Mozartââ¬â¢s and Bachââ¬â¢s conventional songs, were ââ¬Å"Pulcinellaâ⬠and ââ¬Å"The Octetâ⬠. For this style, he took up wind instruments and disposed of the large orchestras that were frequently required for ballet. The last neo-classical work was the opera, The Rakeââ¬â¢s Progress in 1951 that was based on the designs of Hogarth. From 1954 to 1968, there was the third period which was also known as the serial period. This is when Stravinsky started using successive compositional techniques that included the twelve-tone technique that was initially invented by Arnold Schoenberg along with dodecaphony. He used the twelve-tone technique in compositions such as Memoriam Dylan Th omas, Agon and Canticum Sacrum. He also expanded his use of dodecaphony in Threni, A Sermon, a narrative and a prayer and in The Flood all founded on biblical content. Stravinsky is considered an authority in 20th century music and has had considerable influence on composers of all times in all divisions of music. ââ¬Å"In his use of motivic development, which refers to the use of musical figures used in a composition, Stravinsky used additive motivic development where he added and subtracted notes without regard to the consequent change in meters.â⬠[6] He was also famous for using a distinct rhythm especially in The Rite of Spring, which later influenced composer Aaron Copland to a great extent. According to Andrew J. Browne, ââ¬Å"Stravinsky is perhaps the only composer who has raised rhythm in itself to the dignity of art.â⬠Stravinskyââ¬â¢s use of neo-classicism led to a widespread use of this style by composers in the late 1920ââ¬â¢s and 1930ââ¬â¢s. In ad dition, he used folk material and often exposed folk themes to their most melodic summaries using techniques such inversion and diminution to contort them. In orchestration, Stravinskyââ¬â¢s ââ¬ËThe Rite of Springââ¬â¢ has been discerned as the leading orchestral achievement in the 20th century. He also wrote for unique blends of instruments set up in smaller groups. Besides, he is well known for periodically utilizing extreme arrays of instruments.[7]Advertising Looking for essay on art and design? Let's see if we can help you! Get your first paper with 15% OFF Learn More As evidently observed, apart from his technical innovations in harmony and rhythm, one can detect the varying faces of his compositional technique but with a preservation of a distinct individuality, which was also very significant. Stravinsky got his inspiration from different cultures, languages and literatures and therefore the influence he had on composers during his lifetime and even after his death is still remarkable. Bibliography Copland, A Music and Imagination. Harvard University Press, Cambridge, 1952. Stuckenschmidt, H Schoenberg: his life, world, and work. Schirmer Books, New York, 1978. White, E Stravinsky: The Composer and His Works (Second Ed.). University of California Press, Los Angeles, 1979. E W White. Stravinsky: The Composer and His Works (Second Ed.). Berkeley and Los Angeles: University of California Press, 1979, p. 141 E W White, Stravinsky: The Composer and His Works (Second Ed.), Berkeley and Los Angeles, University of California Press, 1979, p. 155 E W W hite, Stravinsky: The Composer and His Works (Second Ed.), Berkeley and Los Angeles, University of California Press, 1979, p. 256 H stuckenschmindt, Schoenberg: his life, world, and work, New York, Schirmer Books, 1978, p. 15 A Copland, Music and Imagination, Cambridge, Harvard University Press, 1952, p. 531. W E Walter, Stravinsky: The Composer and His Works (Second Ed.), Berkeley and Los Angeles, University of California Press, 1979, p. 54. H Stuckenschmindt, Schoenberg: his life, world, and work, New York, Schirmer Books, 1978, p. 124 This essay on The development of twentieth-century music: Schoenberg Vs. Stravinsky was written and submitted by user Paityn George to help you with your own studies. You are free to use it for research and reference purposes in order to write your own paper; however, you must cite it accordingly. You can donate your paper here.
Thursday, March 12, 2020
A Perennial Burden to the Conscience essays
A Perennial Burden to the Conscience essays When the Dreyfus case is ended, and nobody knows when that will be, there will be a relief to mankind all the world over- The General Advertiser of New South Wales, Australia, 19 August 1899 (Prisoners of honor-Dreyfus affair, David Levering Lewis). Never in the history of humanity, did a case of treason have such a profound impact on the entire state, from the government to the youngest child. The Affair penetrated, slowly but steadily, the conscience of the people not only in France but worldwide. Not only did it affect the government of France and its Army, but it also influenced the intellect and the religious framework, organizations and societies, as well as the ordinary citizens and the so-called little Frenchmen. Laffair split families, societies, organizations, friendships and the people in two tabors: The Dreyfussards those who were on the side of Captain Dreyfus and anti Dreyfussards those in favor of anti-Semitism. The Dreyfus Affair and its aftermath were remembered long after the case itself was officially closed. The Dreyfus Affair actually started in the second half of September 1894, when a letter containing some secret information about the French Army was brought at the Statistical Section of the French War Office. The letter called bordereau was stolen from the waste paper basket of the German Military Attach von Schwartzkopfen. It contained a list of notes on the new artillery weapons and a Firing Manual. The officers of the General Staff were convinced that a probationer officer could have written it, since only they could have such a variety of information. Among these officers, Alfred Dreyfus was the only Jew and had a bad report. After a brief interview by Major the Marquis du Paty de Clam, he was accused of high treason and arrested a few minutes past nine oclock in the morning of October 15th, 1894. He was secretly kept in prison and inte...
Monday, February 24, 2020
Global capitalism is the primary cause of world hunger. Discuss Essay
Global capitalism is the primary cause of world hunger. Discuss - Essay Example Communism is the only alternative that had been in place before capitalism was, communism basically refers to an economic system where the state had total control over the means of production and also the distribution of goods, the state determined how much of each good would be produced and for whom. Basically an economic system aims to answer 3 questions i.e. what to produce, whom to produce and how to produce, in communist states these questions were tackled by the state where the government formed certain bodies for each industry and these bodies would conduct a thorough research to determine the answers to the three economic questions, this kind of an economic system ensured that every one would get an equal share of the goods produced and there would be parity in the levels of income for the whole population. The thing that was lacking in this form of a system was that it did not cater to growth, people who were willing to work harder than the others did not get a reward for th e work they would do and hence there was no place for individualism in this economic system, this was indeed a major draw back of communism because people did not want to cater for the whole society they wanted personal benefit which was almost impossible to gain from this economic system. The assumption of communism that people are usually good and want others to benefit was not an appropriate one because people are generally selfish and want to flourish as individuals rather than every one having the same rights and income. Another draw back of this system was that it was costly to determine the prices of goods in the market because there were committees formed to determine the prices and this was not an effective method because these committees did not work for free and hence there was an extra cost that had to be paid in this system, therefore the prices of the goods were pushed up to cater to the expenses attached with the committees set up in this type of an economic
Saturday, February 8, 2020
Relation between Race and Social Inequality in the United States Assignment
Relation between Race and Social Inequality in the United States - Assignment Example The original grouping of people into races was valid as a taxonomy concept. There were different races such as Negroid, Caucasians, Asiatic, Polynesians, Xanthochroi and so on (Lewis, 1990). The term Ethnicity refers to the imaginary, informal and formal groupings that are made to club people with certain common features such as geographic location, language, religion and so on. Accordingly, we have people from different ethnicities such as Arabs, Jews, Whites, Hispanic, African Americans, Asians and so on. An ethnic group may have people from different races, religions and physical features (Omni, 1986). The terms race and ethnicity by themselves are innocuous and can be regarded as medical and sociological terms. However, unfortunately, dominant whites in USA started using these terms in a derogatory and insulting manner in the early 17th century, leading to the beginning of social inequalities. The white settlers of USA began treating the native Indians as mentally and socially inferior who were not worthy of being considered as human. This was a deliberate attempt to grab the lands of the native Indians by branding them as worthless and socially inferior to the whites. Later when the plantations came up, Africans were brought into the country as slaves. The dominant whites then usurped the rights of their slaves, calling them racially inferior beings that were fit to work only as slaves. Social inequality is more archaic since it allows the dominant race members to practice discrimination against people of their own race and ethnicity. Therefore, it can be expected that a rich wh ite would discriminate against a poor white, but not with as much severity as he would discriminate against a poor African American (Oliver, 1997). The proliferation of race and ethnicity has unfortunately given rise to racism, racial stereotyping and other ills. African Americans or blacks are regarded as
Wednesday, January 29, 2020
Main Trends in Births and Deaths in the United Kingdom Essay Example for Free
Main Trends in Births and Deaths in the United Kingdom Essay The birth rate of a country refers to the number of live births per thousand of the population per year. The general trend for the UK is that there has been a decline in the birth rate since 1900 however there have been fluctuations in the rate due e.g. After World War 1 2 and in the 1960s. Sociologists believe this is because of four major factors: changes in gender roles, falling infant mortality, children being seen as an economic burden and our society becoming more child centred. A main part of the decline can be explained in terms of women simply choosing to have fewer children. As the position of women in society has changed overtime, they have chosen to delay childbearing and to limit the number of children they are having because of several factors. Women now have equality with men because of the Equality Act 2010 as well as receiving increased educational and employment opportunities. Other ways in which womenââ¬â¢s position has changed is that there is now easier access to divorce, contraception and abortion meaning that they can avoid unwanted pregnancy so have full choice over when they have a child. Beck and Back-Gernsheim(1995) said that the changes in the birth and fertility rate are due to individualisation meaning that people have more choice to follow their own norms and values as well as making their own decisions, rather the following what society deems acceptable. Also the falling infant mortality rate (number of children dying before their first birthday per thousand of live births) has fallen dramatically as a result of factors such as better living standards, improved hygiene and sanitation, improvements to healthcare and the developments made to the welfare state. Geographers explain that these circumstances lead to a demographic revolution in which birth and fertility fall because women no longer feel they need to have a large number of childre n to protect against the risk of infant mortality. It is clear that the attitudes towards children have changed and society in general has become more child-centred, meaning that we are now more concerned about the welfare of children than in the past. The social norms about childcare have changed significantly and the time and costs involved in raising children have significantly increased, therefore making a large family economically unattractive. In the early 19th century children were often seen as an economic asset because they were able to work and contribute towards the family income at a relatively young age however nowadays legislation hasà banned children from working and has also increased the time that children have to stay in education for..Because of this, children are financially dependent on their parents for longer so are seen more as an economic burden rather than an asset. As well as this, due to the improvement of the welfare provision for the elderly, parents no longer need to worry as much about having large a mounts of children to look after them once they are elderly. Since people are now having fewer children, the dependency ratio, along with the birth rate has decreased meaning that there are fewer dependents within the population leading to less childcare and school services needed. Although there has been a decline in the birth rate, the amount of deaths occurring in the UK remains steady and the death rate is decreasing because of the growing population since 1900. The death rate refers to the number of people dying per thousand of the population per year. The average life expectancy is now around 78 years for men and 82 years for women whereas in 1900 it was 45 years for men and 48 for women. This tells us that people are staying healthier for longer and this is because of a number of factors including: improved nutrition and living standards, developments in medicine and improved government provisions of welfare and health. It has been said that over half the decline is the death rate is due to the decrease of infectious diseases and McKeow n(1972) argues that most of the fall in the death rate took place before immunisation and was based mainly on good nutrition and hygiene. Studies by Rowntree and others (1899, 1950) found a rapid decline in absolute poverty meaning that people have better living standards which have allowed significant improvements to diet that help increase resistance to some infectious diseases Medical knowledge has improved dramatically since 1900 because of the establishment of the NHS in 1949 as well as a better knowledge of antibiotics, surgery, treatment and immunisation which have helped decrease the death rate. The government also continues to make provisions for those who need it e.g. EMA, careers allowance, working class credits which allow people to have a better quality of life. After the Beveridge Report of 1944, the range of welfare provisions available has expanded and become more universally available. It provided protection against risk factors such as old age through pensions, and low income through housing benefits, unemployment benefit and the benefit now called income support. There are many of other factors involved in theà decrease of the death rate including that there are a lot less dangerous occupations available to people e.g. mining and factory working as well as having higher incomes meaning that people are able to afford better foods and medicines which contribute to the health and wellbeing of individuals. It is evident that even as the population of the UK increases, the death rate and birth rate are both decreasing. These are both because of a number of factors however the most important for both seem to be the improvement of medical knowledge and practices which stop people from becoming ill and include important things such as medicines, contraception and support services for those who become pregnant or suffer with diseases.
Tuesday, January 21, 2020
The Life and Theories of Charles Darwin Essay -- Biography Biographies
The Life and Theories of Charles Darwin Charles Robert Darwin was the fifth child of Robert Waring Darwin and Susannah Wedgewood. He was born on February 12, 1809 in Shrewsbury, England where his father practiced medicine. He attended Shrewsbury Grammar School which was a well-kn own secondary school which concentrated on teaching classic languages. Even as a boy Darwin loved science and his enthusiasm for chemical studies earned him the name "Gas" from his friends. The headmaster at Shrewsbury, Dr. Samuel Butler noted, "Here's a boy, plays around with his gases and the rest of his rubbish and works at nothing useful." He was also an avid collector. Anything he could get his hands on- shells, eggs, minerals and coins interested him. Darwin was expected to follow his father and become a doctor and in 1825, at the age of sixteen, his father removed him from Shrewsbury and entered him in the University of Edenburgh to study medicine. He found all of his classes except chemistry dull. After two years at Edenburg, he quit school and went to live with his Uncle Josiah Wedgewood. After he abandoned medicine, his father urged him to attend Cambridge University to study to be a clergyman. At Cambridge he met John Steven Henslow who helped him regain his interest in nature. It was Henslow who was influential in getting Darwin the position of naturalist on the boat The Beagle. In April of 1831, he graduated from the University. In the fall following his graduation, the government decided to send the H.M.S. Beagle, under the command of Captain Fitzroy, to complete an unfinished survey of Patagonia and Tierra Del Fuego to help map out the shores of Chile and Peru. Th e voyage w... ...rstand or explain whatever I observed and group a ll facts under some general laws..." On April 19, 1882 Darwin died of a heart attack. The family wanted Darwin to be buried in his home, the village of Downe. However, Parliament requested that he be buried in Westminster Abbey, a cemetery for Britain's kings and queens and intellectual giants. This was an indication of how far Darwin had come towards universal acceptance and respectability. Darwin's coffin lies next to Issac Newton which is only fitting because Darwin has been called "The Newton of Biology." Darwin was modest of his monumental achievements to the very end and said of himself shortly before his death,"With such moderate abilities as I possess, it is truly surprising that I should have influenced to a considerable extent the belief of scientific men on some important points."
Monday, January 13, 2020
The Silver Linings Playbook Chapter 23
The ââ¬Å"Patâ⬠Box By 11:00 p.m. my mother has not returned home, and I start to worry because every night at 10:45 p.m. I'm supposed to take pills that help me sleep. It isn't like Mom to foul up my medication schedule. I knock on my parents' bedroom door. When no one answers, I push the door open. My father is sleeping with the small bedroom television on. The blue glow makes his skin look alien ââ¬â he sort of looks like a big fish in a lit aquarium, only without gills, scales, and fins. I walk over to my dad and shake his shoulder lightly. ââ¬Å"Dad?â⬠I shake him a little harder. ââ¬Å"Dad?â⬠ââ¬Å"Whaddya want?â⬠he says without opening his eyes. He is lying on his side, and the left side of his mouth is smashed into the pillow. ââ¬Å"Mom's not home yet. I'm worried.â⬠He doesn't say anything. ââ¬Å"Where is she?â⬠Still, he does not say anything. ââ¬Å"I'm worried about Mom. Do you think we should call the police?â⬠I wait for a reply, but only hear my father snoring softly. After turning off the television, I leave my parents' bedroom and go downstairs to the kitchen. I tell myself if Dad isn't worried, I shouldn't be either. But I know it isn't like Mom to leave me alone without telling me where she will be, especially without talking to me about my medications. I open the kitchen cabinet and take out the eight bottles of pills that all have my name printed on the labels. So many long, depressing drug names are on the labels as well, but I only know the pills by their colors, so I open all the lids and look for what I need. Two white-and-reds for sleeping, and also a green one with a yellow stripe, but I do not know what the green one with a yellow stripe does. Maybe antianxiety? I take all three pills because I want to sleep, and also, I know that is what Mom would want me to do. Maybe Mom is testing me. Since my father talked down to her earlier today, I really want to please Mom even more than on regular days, although I am not sure why. I lie in bed wondering where Mom could be. I want to call her cell phone, but I don't know the number. Maybe she had a car accident? Maybe she had a stroke or a heart attack? But then I think a police officer or a hospital doctor would have called us by now if any of those things had happened, because she would certainly have her credit cards and license on her. Maybe she got lost while driving? But then she would have used her cell phone to call home and would have told us she was running late. Maybe she got sick of Dad and me and ran away? I think about this and realize that excluding the times when she teases me about Tiffany being ââ¬Å"my friend,â⬠I haven't seen my mother laugh or smile in a very long time ââ¬â in fact, if I really think about it, I often see Mom crying or looking like she is about to cry. Maybe she got sick of keeping track of my pills? Maybe I forgot to flush one morning and Mom found some of my pills in the toilet and is now mad at me for hiding pi lls under my tongue? Maybe I have failed to appreciate Mom just like I failed to appreciate Nikki, and now God is taking Mom away from me too? Maybe Mom is never coming home again and ââ¬â Just as I start to feel seriously anxious, as if I might need to bang the heel of my hand against my forehead, I hear a car pull into the driveway. When I look out the window, I see Mom's red sedan. I run down the stairs. I'm out the door before she even reaches the back porch. ââ¬Å"Mom?â⬠I say. ââ¬Å"Is-jus-me,â⬠she says through the shadows in the driveway. ââ¬Å"Where were you?â⬠ââ¬Å"Out.â⬠When she enters into the white circle cast from the outside light, she looks like she might fall backward, so I run down the steps and give her a hand, bracing her shoulders with my arm. Her head is sort of wobbly, but she manages to look me in the eyes; she squints and says, ââ¬Å"Nikki-sa-fool t'ave let you getta-way.â⬠Her mentioning Nikki makes me feel even more anxious, especially what she said about my getting away, because I have not gotten away and would be more than willing to go back to Nikki now or whenever, and it was me who was the fool, never appreciating Nikki for what she was ââ¬â all of which Mother knows so well. But I can smell the alcohol on her breath; I hear her slurring her words, and I realize it's probably just the alcohol talking nonsense. Mom does not usually drink, but tonight she is obviously drunk, and this also makes me worry. I help her into the house and sit her down on the couch in the family room. Within minutes she's passed out cold. It would be a bad idea to put my drunk mother in bed with my sulking father, so I put an arm under her shoulders and another arm under her knees, lift her up, and carry her to my bedroom. Mom is small and light, so it is not hard for me to carry her up the stairs. I get her into my bed, take off her shoes, throw the comforter over her body, and then go to get a glass of water from the kitchen. Back upstairs, I find a bottle of Tylenol and tap out two white pills. I pick my mother's head up, get her into a seated position, shake her lightly until she opens her eyes, and tell her to take the pills along with the glass of water. At first she says, ââ¬Å"Jus lemme sleep,â⬠but I know from college days just how much this pre-bed water and headache medicine can reduce the morning hangover. Finally my mother takes the pills, drinks half a glass of water, and is back asleep in no time at all. I watch her rest for a few minutes, and I think she still looks pretty, that I really do love my mom. I wonder where she went to drink ââ¬â with whom she drank and what she drank ââ¬â but really I am only happy that she is home safe. I try not to think about her downing drinks at some depressing bar, with middle-aged men all around. I try not to think about Mom bad-mouthing my father to one of her girlfriends and then driving home drunk. But it's all I can think about: how my mother is being driven to drink ââ¬â how I'm driving my mother to drink, and my father isn't helping much either. After grabbing my framed picture of Nikki, I climb the stairs to the attic, set Nikki up next to my pillow, and get into my sleeping bag. I leave the lights on so I can fall asleep looking at Nikki's freckled nose, which is exactly what I do. When I open my eyes, Kenny G is standing over me, his legs bridging my body, a foot on either side of my chest; the sexy synthesizer chords are softly lighting the darkness. The last time Mr. G visited my parents' attic flashes through my head ââ¬â my father kicking and punching me, my father threatening to send me back to the bad place ââ¬â so I close my eyes, hum a single note, and silently count to ten, blanking my mind. But Kenny G is undaunted. The soprano sax enters Mr. G's lips once more and ââ¬Å"Songbirdâ⬠takes flight. I keep my eyes closed, hum a single note, and silently count to ten, blanking my mind, but he continues to blow his horn. The little white scar above my right eyebrow starts to burn and itch as the melody flutters toward climax. Desperately, I want to pound the heel of my hand against my forehead, but instead I keep my eyes closed, hum a single note, and silently count to ten, blanking my mind. Just when Kenny G's smooth jazz seems unconquerable ââ¬â Seven, eight, nine, ten. Suddenly silence. When I open my eyes, I see Nikki's still face, her freckled nose ââ¬â I kiss the glass, feeling so relieved that Kenny G has stopped playing. I exit my sleeping bag, look all around the attic ââ¬â moving a few dusty boxes and other items, searching behind hanging rows of out-of-season clothes ââ¬â and Mr. G is gone. ââ¬Å"I've defeated him,â⬠I whisper. ââ¬Å"He didn't make me punch my forehead, and ââ¬â ââ¬Å" I see a box marked ââ¬Å"Patâ⬠and begin to experience that bad feeling I sometimes get just before something unpleasant is about to happen. It feels as though I have to go to the bathroom very badly, even though I know I don't. The box is at the far end of the attic. It was hidden under a braided rug I moved when I was searching for Kenny G. I have to navigate my way back through the mess I made during my search, but soon I reach the box. I flip open the flaps at the top, and my Collingswood High School soccer jacket is on top. I take it out of the box and hold the dusty thing up. The jacket looks so small. I'd rip the yellow leather sleeves off if I tried it on now, I think, and then set the relic down on another nearby box. When I next look into the ââ¬Å"Patâ⬠box, I am shocked and scared into rearranging the attic so it looks exactly how it was before I began searching for Mr. G. When the attic is restored, I lie in my sleeping bag, feeling as if I am in a dream. Several times during the night I get up, move the braided rug, and look in the ââ¬Å"Patâ⬠box again, just to make sure I had not hallucinated before. Every time, the contents condemn Mom and make me feel betrayed.
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